tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post907153282872801827..comments2022-03-28T03:18:35.119+00:00Comments on Don't Be Silent---Speak out against street harassment in DC: Flirtation vs. HarassmentDon't Be Silent DChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10497187730422109349noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-83483350613754697462007-08-10T00:40:00.000+00:002007-08-10T00:40:00.000+00:00Hello,I think there are good points all around.Avo...Hello,<BR/><BR/>I think there are good points all around.<BR/><BR/>Avocado in Paradise, SarahMC and Golden Silence are absolutely right: one shouldn't have to lie (or even tell the truth) about having a SO.<BR/><BR/>As SarahMC put it: "MY word (not a boyfriend's existance) should be enough." I couldn't have said it better myself.<BR/><BR/>I completely agree with Golden Silence's line in response to "Got a boyfriend?" - she says "No...but I'm not interested in you." That straightforward approach really helps everyone...including the man in question, who can then much more quickly go on to other things.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, having used the Metro for many years I can say that a hurried pace in a Metro stop and then outside doesn't necessarily mean - and thus shouldn't be assumed to mean - that the person is trying to get away from whoever is with him/her. Depending on the situation, s/he may be in a hurry and may not necessarily mind the other person tagging along without slowing him/her down.<BR/><BR/>Now, in this particular case, given the questions the man was asking Avocado in Paradise and his evasiveness in return, his attentions do seem creepy. (Perhaps she might consider reporting the incident, including the specific email address, to an appropriate person at the government agency?)<BR/><BR/>I will also say that harassment is a strong word. You do have a right to leave (almost) any situation you want to, for whatever reason. But that does not necessarily mean that the other person involved is <B>harassing</B> you. Harassment implies knowledge and intent. If you feel threatened, the other person may or may not know how you feel and may or may not intend to bother you despite your lack of interest. That needs to be determined on a case by case basis. <BR/><BR/>Avocado in Paradise, I especially appreciate your explanation of the respective cues at the end of your story. You are absolutely right in that it is better to light a candle than to (merely) curse the darkness. I certainly hope some people learn from it and make everyone better off. (I also hope you will still have patience with those who haven't yet read your wisdom, or who have a harder time reading cues.)<BR/><BR/>Cheers,<BR/><BR/>Jeff DeutschJeff Deutschhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04888674977242961499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-61484629815978082492007-08-03T02:50:00.000+00:002007-08-03T02:50:00.000+00:00sarahmc... your comment is dead on. and i think wo...sarahmc... your comment is dead on. and i think women are almost immune to this kind of treatment now... to the point that we don't see it for what it truly is (i.e., abuse, stalking, etc.).AOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04345749497259992808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-54813577389057464352007-08-02T20:22:00.000+00:002007-08-02T20:22:00.000+00:00Blackbeard, when someone is trying to get away fro...<B>Blackbeard</B>, when someone is trying to get away from you and you're chasing that person like there's no tomorrow, that is harassment. Many people take Metro and conversations are started on it, but when <B>Avocado</B> was through with the conversation and trying to get to her destination, the dude should've gotten the hint and moved on. But nope, he followed her, kept pressing her and I doubt he would've taken "no" for an answer. Desperation is not attractive at all.<BR/><BR/>Anytime a person feels threatened, it's harassment. And why would she have to lie? When I deal with persistent men who do that "got a boyfriend?" mess (aggravating in itself) I say "No...but I'm not interested in you." And if they don't take "no" for an answer, they've just revealed the kind of men they are.<BR/><BR/><B>Blackbeard</B>, I'm sorry you can't see the other side and "get it," and that you haven't come back to defend yourself. It's probably for the best.Don't Be Silent DChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10497187730422109349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-62054657448308531132007-07-25T19:32:00.000+00:002007-07-25T19:32:00.000+00:00And also, blackbeard, the fact that you suggest us...And also, blackbeard, the fact that you suggest using your "fake boyfriend" as an excuse to avoid creepy men just goes to show that men take other men more seriously than they take women. If I, a woman, tell a guy I'm not interested, he's going to keep pestering me until I tell him I have a boyfriend, at which point he finally leaves me alone (this doesn't always happen, of course). Telling guys you have a boyfriend in order to stop unwanted attention just perpetuates the notion that women are chapperoned at all times by men. MY word (not a boyfriend's existance) should be enough.SarahMChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18281347264702150487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-17579543518202383222007-07-22T14:28:00.000+00:002007-07-22T14:28:00.000+00:00Well why should I be forced to lie? Lieing makes ...Well why should I be forced to lie? Lieing makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if it was technically harrassment, but it sure made me feel icky and uncomfortable. It's an example of how it sucks to be treated in this city. Not as extreme as many posted on DBS, granted. <BR/><BR/>I've had this sort of thing happen multiple times and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. Women shouldn't have to feel that way when they're just going about their normal activities. <BR/><BR/>I am trying to help these guys by explaining to them what they're doing wrong and how it's making us feel. You know, activly try to improve the situation instead of just passively living with it, by not being silent... "Be the change you want to see in the world..." and all that jazz.avocadoinparadisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16935877931902695271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-40615231362145378292007-07-22T04:59:00.000+00:002007-07-22T04:59:00.000+00:00@Blackbeard: You obviously have no idea what you'r...@Blackbeard: You obviously have no idea what you're talking about. Following a woman around when she is OBVIOUSLY trying to get away from you and asking for information that you have NO right to, as she is damn near RUNNING from you, IS harassment. And by the way, telling a harasser that you have a significant other isn't always a deterrent. In fact, from personal experience, it RARELY is.Venatorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07601811942035005635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1583913142116752501.post-51587809818990819182007-07-21T21:50:00.000+00:002007-07-21T21:50:00.000+00:00HM. In instance number one, she could've said, "I'...HM. In instance number one, she could've said, "I've got a boyfriend, sorry" and ended the whole thing right there. Harassment? Hardly.Blackbeardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01316704722812551290noreply@blogger.com