I was hardened to the catcalls, horn beeps and hollas out of cars on my walk home that I had nearly forgotten what it means to be respected on the streets.
A minute into my journey, a well-dressed kid in his late teens-early 20s gave me a pleasant smile and a "how are you doing, ma'am?" I smiled and responded back.
Closer to my home, a middle-aged man with a yappy little Yorkie also said "hello." Once again, I responded in kind.
With all the losers out there, it's easy to forget that there are good men out there with good intentions. If you have positive stories of street interaction, feel free to share them as well! No act of kindness is minute!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
More Harassment on Metro
This came into my inbox from a contributor who would like to remain anonymous.
Hearing about this stuff breaks my heart. I get so angry hearing about these men who think that women are theirs to do whatever they want with. In the same token, I've heard too many stories of women not fighting back. Please, please, PLEASE do whatever you can to stop him! You may not be physically strong enough to tackle him, but push him off, knee him in the groin, yell "get off me!"---anything to let these fools know that you won't be having it! Don't worry about the repercussions...it's more important to defend yourself and get out safely than worry about what others would think. Until the day comes when men learn to keep their hands---and their members---to themselves, we've gotta be strong and defend ourselves.
This is my last week living in DC before I migrate out to Western Maryland, so the fact that my last Metro ride as a local should involve being harassed by a jerk...I don't know if it is par for the course or just disappointing.
I was meeting a friend who was in town from Alabama in Union Station and we were together on the Red Line heading out to Dupont Circle for some lunch and catching up. It was standing room only and us being two young, more-or-less able-bodied people, we took the bar and kept chatting. As people came off and on, a tall, young man kept playing music clips loudly on his cell phone and slowly but steadily made his way up to me and my friend. I--foolishly? bravely? impulsively?--put myself between my friend and him, just in case, and I was rewarded with this young man deciding to rub bodily up against me like a cat expecting to be petted, albeit crotch-first, singing unintelligibly in my ear.
It happened so quick, I didn't have a chance to shove him off. The train stopped, off he went, and I was standing there, feeling like I reeked of cheap cologne and like I'd just been violated. I don't think my friend noticed too much; if she did, we certainly didn't speak of it.
I should have shoved him off and yelled at him, but I froze up. This has happened to be every time I've gotten harassed on the street in DC, from getting fondled by a homeless man outside my work in Silver Spring to being shoved into a corner and rubbed up against by a schlub in a business suit the first time I took the Metro into the city alone. I've wanted to love DC, but the harassment has coloured my perception of the city, and now, despite how much fun I've had in town, I'm quite ready to flee for less populated portions of Maryland thanks to these schmucks.
Keep up the good work. I wish I'd known about your blog and the other HollaBacks when I first moved to the city.
Hearing about this stuff breaks my heart. I get so angry hearing about these men who think that women are theirs to do whatever they want with. In the same token, I've heard too many stories of women not fighting back. Please, please, PLEASE do whatever you can to stop him! You may not be physically strong enough to tackle him, but push him off, knee him in the groin, yell "get off me!"---anything to let these fools know that you won't be having it! Don't worry about the repercussions...it's more important to defend yourself and get out safely than worry about what others would think. Until the day comes when men learn to keep their hands---and their members---to themselves, we've gotta be strong and defend ourselves.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Harassment on Metro
Dealing with buses that don't run on time, stalling trains, tourists blocking the escalators and other issues are things that a commuter using the Metro system has to deal with on a regular basis. Dealing with men bothering women on public transportation is something we should not have to deal with. Here are some examples of what these men do to make women feel uncomfortable.
1) Spreaders---These men sit next to women and spread their legs open so wide that they're taking up half of the woman's seat as well as their own. It is his way of "marking his territory." Speak up and tell the man to close his legs. On a bold day, I spread my legs when some clown did this and nudged him hard. He immediately closed his legs again. On another day I mocked some guy sitting across from me doing this, and he immediately closed his. Men, I know that on average you tend to be bigger than us women, but you're not that big...close it up.
2) Getting too close---Sometimes we have to be cheek to cheek on a crowded bus or train, but it's easy to tell when some man is taking advantage of this. If some man uses this opportunity to grab you or rub himself against you, push him off and get away from him as much as you can. Also yell to direct attection to his disgusting actions.
3) Exposing themselves and/or masturbating----No. Just no. That is the most heinous thing to do on a train or bus. Do what you can to draw attention to his perverted behavior, get away from him immediately, and call security.
4) Trying to talk to you when you're not interested---The hardest part is that you're "stuck" on the train or bus with these fools with little space to go. On a (thankfully short) ride home from the train station, some man tried to talk to me. He said "hi" and I said "hi." He then tried to tell me about some PGC party which I told him I had no interest in, so he proceeds to berate me and call me "little girl" and other horrid names. I tried to tell the bus driver to get this man to leave me alone, but...
5) When Metro employees are part of the problem---the bus driver did not do a daggone thing when I told him to get this man to leave me alone. I know English wasn't this guy's first language, but he should've been able to tell that something was going on. I felt that it was a lose/lose battle. Thank god that man got off...albeit a stop before mine.
There are times when Metro employees tend to, ahem, forget that they're in uniform and on the job. In one of the street harassment list servs I used to be on, there was one story of a Metro worker who saw a pregnant woman and said, "Pregnant pussy is the best pussy." Record scratch...how disgusting and degrading. I truly hope that clown was reported.
Another instance of inappropriate behavior by a Metro employee is being chronicled by Liz at An OC girl living in an extraordinary world. This bus driver seems to be using his route as a chance to pick up women. He needs to worry about keeping on scheduled time than spending time with the female passengers.
And lastly, my recent story, which Liz chronicled---getting the runaround by Metro. Last month I was exiting my train station to walk home, when two Metro employees were sitting at the top of the staircase. One of them was talking about looking for to hook up with, and he pointed at me and said, "I wanna get wit' dat." I immediately walked over to take a look at his nameplate, and his friend says "peekaboo." Unfortunately I didn't get the co-worker/friend's name because I wanted to get away from those clowns. As soon as I got home I sent a complaint via their online system. I got a phone call that Monday from some woman, and by the time I got around to calling her back a man calls and says that the first woman was out sick. I play phone tag with this guy then finally get in touch and tell him my story. A week later, a third person (woman) calls and tells me to get in touch. I didn't want to answer the same questions so I didn't call her. Then a fourth person calls a week later (male) asking the same things and I got fed up.
I called this man back and left a message that I felt I was getting the runaround. He calls back and apologizes 50 times. He said that the reason why I was getting so many calls was that both Metrobus and Metrorail were trying to find out who this employee was. This man has a common last name and the nameplate only has the first initial. Regardless, the time, date and location couldn't narrow him down? Frustrating.
A lot of us cannot afford our own transportation so we rely on Metrobus and Rail to get around. While we can easily put these space-invading male passengers in their place, who's going to put Metro employees in theirs?
ETA: Here is a sixth---
6) Old men trying to talk to younger women (even teenage girls) on Metro---Foilwoman chronicled an instance of an older man (middle-aged) trying to talk to a girl who was still in her teens and still in high school. The girl did the right things...she let the man know she was too young for him (by mentioning taking PSATs), moved away from him, and called a friend to meet her when she got off the train. I don't know why these older men think they have a chance with younger women...they need to stick with women their own age and use less creepy tactics when it comes to approaching a woman. Yuck!
1) Spreaders---These men sit next to women and spread their legs open so wide that they're taking up half of the woman's seat as well as their own. It is his way of "marking his territory." Speak up and tell the man to close his legs. On a bold day, I spread my legs when some clown did this and nudged him hard. He immediately closed his legs again. On another day I mocked some guy sitting across from me doing this, and he immediately closed his. Men, I know that on average you tend to be bigger than us women, but you're not that big...close it up.
2) Getting too close---Sometimes we have to be cheek to cheek on a crowded bus or train, but it's easy to tell when some man is taking advantage of this. If some man uses this opportunity to grab you or rub himself against you, push him off and get away from him as much as you can. Also yell to direct attection to his disgusting actions.
3) Exposing themselves and/or masturbating----No. Just no. That is the most heinous thing to do on a train or bus. Do what you can to draw attention to his perverted behavior, get away from him immediately, and call security.
4) Trying to talk to you when you're not interested---The hardest part is that you're "stuck" on the train or bus with these fools with little space to go. On a (thankfully short) ride home from the train station, some man tried to talk to me. He said "hi" and I said "hi." He then tried to tell me about some PGC party which I told him I had no interest in, so he proceeds to berate me and call me "little girl" and other horrid names. I tried to tell the bus driver to get this man to leave me alone, but...
5) When Metro employees are part of the problem---the bus driver did not do a daggone thing when I told him to get this man to leave me alone. I know English wasn't this guy's first language, but he should've been able to tell that something was going on. I felt that it was a lose/lose battle. Thank god that man got off...albeit a stop before mine.
There are times when Metro employees tend to, ahem, forget that they're in uniform and on the job. In one of the street harassment list servs I used to be on, there was one story of a Metro worker who saw a pregnant woman and said, "Pregnant pussy is the best pussy." Record scratch...how disgusting and degrading. I truly hope that clown was reported.
Another instance of inappropriate behavior by a Metro employee is being chronicled by Liz at An OC girl living in an extraordinary world. This bus driver seems to be using his route as a chance to pick up women. He needs to worry about keeping on scheduled time than spending time with the female passengers.
And lastly, my recent story, which Liz chronicled---getting the runaround by Metro. Last month I was exiting my train station to walk home, when two Metro employees were sitting at the top of the staircase. One of them was talking about looking for to hook up with, and he pointed at me and said, "I wanna get wit' dat." I immediately walked over to take a look at his nameplate, and his friend says "peekaboo." Unfortunately I didn't get the co-worker/friend's name because I wanted to get away from those clowns. As soon as I got home I sent a complaint via their online system. I got a phone call that Monday from some woman, and by the time I got around to calling her back a man calls and says that the first woman was out sick. I play phone tag with this guy then finally get in touch and tell him my story. A week later, a third person (woman) calls and tells me to get in touch. I didn't want to answer the same questions so I didn't call her. Then a fourth person calls a week later (male) asking the same things and I got fed up.
I called this man back and left a message that I felt I was getting the runaround. He calls back and apologizes 50 times. He said that the reason why I was getting so many calls was that both Metrobus and Metrorail were trying to find out who this employee was. This man has a common last name and the nameplate only has the first initial. Regardless, the time, date and location couldn't narrow him down? Frustrating.
A lot of us cannot afford our own transportation so we rely on Metrobus and Rail to get around. While we can easily put these space-invading male passengers in their place, who's going to put Metro employees in theirs?
ETA: Here is a sixth---
6) Old men trying to talk to younger women (even teenage girls) on Metro---Foilwoman chronicled an instance of an older man (middle-aged) trying to talk to a girl who was still in her teens and still in high school. The girl did the right things...she let the man know she was too young for him (by mentioning taking PSATs), moved away from him, and called a friend to meet her when she got off the train. I don't know why these older men think they have a chance with younger women...they need to stick with women their own age and use less creepy tactics when it comes to approaching a woman. Yuck!
"This is a man's world"...and women need to reclaim their part of it!
I was impressed by this post at A Cat and Twenty. When will we women stop apologizing and feeling like we don't matter in this world and when will we be treated as equals?
Friday, June 8, 2007
Racist Welcome to the USA
I am reaching out to non-DC readers as well, and here is a submission from Amy about dealing with some racist fool on the street:
I am glad that Amy and her friends stood up to this loser. His method was obviously not the proper way to welcome a foreign visitor to the States. And then to stoop low to insult another one of the friends...these men never cease to amaze me with their loser ways. I never understood why these men feel that being insulting is the way to get a woman's attention. It does get our attention---negative attention.
And Amy, feel free to add "Don't Be Silent" to your blogroll! I appreciate any method of getting the word out!
Hey, I just found your blog, and I must say I LOVE it! My friends and I are thinking of starting a group blog, and if we do, you'll definitely be on our
blogroll, if that's okay with you! (I'll let you know before we actually do
that.)
Now, I don't live in DC, but I thought I'd share with you an experience some of
my friends and I had in case you want to post it on your blog.
This particular incident happened about two months ago, when a friend of mine
from South Korea was in town. Me, her and two other friends had just left a club
and were on our way home when some drunk-ass white guy came up to me and my
Korean friend and leered disgustingly at her (which happened all too often to
her while she was here). He then blocked our path and said, "Japanese, eh?" I
put my arm around her and snapped rather uselessly, "She's not Japanese," and
tried to walk around him. As we walked by, Asshole said "I've never had an Asian
before." Suddenly, from behind us, my friend Katie (not her real name) yelled,
"And with that attitude, you never will!!!" Well, Asshole of the Month then
turned around and looked at Katie, who could be best described as short, cute
and plump, and snapped something about her being "pregnant with swollen ankles,"
and started walking away, but Katie screamed at his back, "YES, yes I AM
pregnant, and thank GOD you're not the father!!!" He pretended not to hear, although he was clearly still within hearing range.
Here's hoping that he hasn't been able to get it up since that little exchange!
(That is, if he ever could...)
I am glad that Amy and her friends stood up to this loser. His method was obviously not the proper way to welcome a foreign visitor to the States. And then to stoop low to insult another one of the friends...these men never cease to amaze me with their loser ways. I never understood why these men feel that being insulting is the way to get a woman's attention. It does get our attention---negative attention.
And Amy, feel free to add "Don't Be Silent" to your blogroll! I appreciate any method of getting the word out!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Submissions
A lot of the stories featured here seem to be coming from me lately, but that's not the way I intended for this site to work. I want this to be an open forum for victims of street and public space harassment to tell their stories, give their insights, and let people know that they're not alone in dealing with this ridiculousness.
Please continue to submit your stories to the site. While I have a rule against anonymous posting (too many people abuse that privilege under anonymity and tend to leave hateful and uninsightful comments), submissions can remain anonymous. Do not worry about length or language (feel free to curse---this is a place to let your emotions out)---I keep that intact. The only things I edit are grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
Also, you can name the neighborhood the harassment happened in or the intersection it happened at, but DO NOT give specific work or home addresses! One submission contained the intersection the contributor lived at, and we have to take precaution to insure our safety.
Though I want to keep this focused on DC and its metro areas, I will accept stories from other areas as well. And if you hear about anything newsworthy in terms of street harassment and countering it, please let me know.
Once again thank you for your support!
Please continue to submit your stories to the site. While I have a rule against anonymous posting (too many people abuse that privilege under anonymity and tend to leave hateful and uninsightful comments), submissions can remain anonymous. Do not worry about length or language (feel free to curse---this is a place to let your emotions out)---I keep that intact. The only things I edit are grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
Also, you can name the neighborhood the harassment happened in or the intersection it happened at, but DO NOT give specific work or home addresses! One submission contained the intersection the contributor lived at, and we have to take precaution to insure our safety.
Though I want to keep this focused on DC and its metro areas, I will accept stories from other areas as well. And if you hear about anything newsworthy in terms of street harassment and countering it, please let me know.
Once again thank you for your support!
Friday, June 1, 2007
"I'm gonna go about my business and have a nice day."
I enjoy walking, and prefer to do such rather than wait for a bus for a measly five-minute ride from the station. The weather's nice, I got the natural hair products I wanted, and the work week was over! Not without a bout of street harassment, however.
As I walked past the Ellis Island Restaurant, this tall gangly man in a flimsy wifebeater was trying to talk to me.
"Look at shawty," he said. "Sure she hears that all the time."
I was trying to walk past him and his friend when he tried to block my path.
"Yo, shawty!" he says, in my face.
"My name is not 'shawty,' 'baby,' or whatever other name you have for me," I said.
"I'm 6'4'' [and I'm supposed to care because...] and tall," the dude said. "You short. I'mma call you 'shawty' if I want to!"
"No, you're going to respect me and call me 'miss or ma'am,'" I said.
This guy was being a prick. "She said 'miss or damn'...MISS OR DAMN!"
I had better things to do than deal with a child. "You wanna be an ignorant negro?" I said. If a Black man doesn't respect me as a Black woman, then I don't respect him. "Be an ignorant negro. I'm gonna go about my business and have a nice day."
And that I did...continuing onward while he stood there ranting and cursing.
It's not just blatant disrespect by Black men towards Black women...it's the aspect of blatant disrespect of men towards women, period. If these men want a woman to respond to them in kind, then they need to show that woman respect.
As I walked past the Ellis Island Restaurant, this tall gangly man in a flimsy wifebeater was trying to talk to me.
"Look at shawty," he said. "Sure she hears that all the time."
I was trying to walk past him and his friend when he tried to block my path.
"Yo, shawty!" he says, in my face.
"My name is not 'shawty,' 'baby,' or whatever other name you have for me," I said.
"I'm 6'4'' [and I'm supposed to care because...] and tall," the dude said. "You short. I'mma call you 'shawty' if I want to!"
"No, you're going to respect me and call me 'miss or ma'am,'" I said.
This guy was being a prick. "She said 'miss or damn'...MISS OR DAMN!"
I had better things to do than deal with a child. "You wanna be an ignorant negro?" I said. If a Black man doesn't respect me as a Black woman, then I don't respect him. "Be an ignorant negro. I'm gonna go about my business and have a nice day."
And that I did...continuing onward while he stood there ranting and cursing.
It's not just blatant disrespect by Black men towards Black women...it's the aspect of blatant disrespect of men towards women, period. If these men want a woman to respond to them in kind, then they need to show that woman respect.
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