Be Aware Of Your Surroundings

Matt sent two stories to my inbox:

First, I just wanted to congratulate you on the blog - it truly is a much needed forum for this issue. Coming from Boston, I never experienced this type of front-stoop dwelling/loitering type of harassment. I would like to offer a couple of quick stories so that other people can be aware of potential harassment. As a young male, I feel as if I can defend myself (I would rely purely on my running skills) but I want to make sure people are aware of the areas they travel to prior to going.

Story #1 - As I was leaving the Wheaton Mall on a late weeknight around closing time, I noticed a group of three young teenagers waiting outside the doors. As girls walked by, they would follow them and say "Yo, let me rap at you." First off, what does that even mean? Secondly, they would not quit. I felt so bad for these girls, I followed at a distance just to make sure nothing happened to them on their way to their cars. It's disgusting to watch - the way they speak, the way they walk, their mindsets. Anyways, I see it often when I go up there, so just be aware.

I've been to Wheaton quite a few times and tend to notice the throngs of thuggish-looking guys hanging about the Metro Station and the bridge that leads to the Wheaton Mall with nothing better to do than hit on any woman or girl that walks by. I agree that you need to be cautious when heading to that area---especially in that bridge because it tends to be desolate there.

Story #2 - I take the Red Line home from work. Every once in a while I see this same guy. He is a nerdy guy with glasses in his 40's that looks like he works as a computer programmer. Anyways, he sits across from me and this other kid and I catch him staring us up and down from head to toe. The other kid didn't see it as he was reading his book. I just would stare back, and then he would proceed to stare at the other kid. When I looked back down, and then up, I would find him staring at me again. This guy had such a pure pedophile look to him. Anyways, with my luck he gets off at my metro stop and I proceed to walk behind him. He turns around about eight times and stares me up and down. I finally took another route home.

If I were in this scenario, I would've let him know that I didn't appreciate being stared at, and if possible try to move somewhere else. Why do these clowns think that this behavior is normal? No one needs to be leered at while trying to commute!

Thanks for your stories. It shows that anyone can be a creep, regardless of what s/he looks like, and that we do need to be cautious of our surroundings. Make mental notes (location, time of day, the people you pass by) and be prepared.

A Day---of Harassment---in Columbia Heights

Blogger Capitulate Now did a write-up on her blog about her street harassment ordeal one day.

It is almost two months old, but definitely still worth mentioning. Some of her encounters are benign, but others are high on the "creep-o-meter."

The Stupid Things Boys Do

Liz at An OC Girl Living In An Extraordinary World did a write-up with the above title about the loser guys she's been dealing with...even with her boyfriend around.

Like I said in previous posts, these harassing men just don't care.

Do You Change Habits to Prevent Clowns From Harassing You?

After reading BeautyInBaltimore's post that I linked here (see previous blog post), it saddens me that the men are so bad that she has to wear a fake wedding ring to get them to leave her alone, but that it has no effect on them whatsoever.

I thought about the things I've done to get men to leave me alone. I cannot remember the last time I've worn a short skirt or shorts...maybe five years ago. I tend to wear pants---palazzos, capris, gauchos---and when I wear a skirt it's knee-length or longer.

I went out a few weekends ago to an 80s night. I wore a strappy yellow tunic with leggings and a gold sash. I was worried that I was going to get unwanted attention on my way there from men on the streets, so in hot weather (I believe it was in the 90s then), I wore a jacket. I was burning up hot but desperate to not get unwanted attention from these men. That did me no good...men were still honking their horns at me on my walk to the train station. Only when I met up with my friend and got to the venue did I have the courage to take my jacket off.

There's also the tactic of lying about having a boyfriend or other significant other, but that will not deter these men. They'll still push and persist, because they have no tact and could care less about you. If they react with a comment such as, "that's cool...what's your man gotta do with me?" or something like that, then it shows the lack of respect they have for you as a woman...as an invididual. And if you answer "Gotta man?" with "No...but I'm not interested" and they still push you, they've got problems. Men, just because a woman is single it doesn't mean she'll jump right in your arms...especially if "Gotta man?" is your approach. You need to have common interests, have attraction to one another, and be interested in dating for it to work.

Bold as I thought I was, there were times when I've had to reroute my way home because I got tired of the harassment on my way home. The detour was lengthy, on a hilly street, and a pain in my behind.

Looking back, I shouldn't have to be the one to change what I do to get through my day. These clowns on the street should! It doesn't matter if I'm dressed for a night out or wearing sweats, these men will act like fools regardless.

So readers, don't try to change what you do or who you are to placate these men. Nothing you can do will cause them to change their pitiful ways, because it's not about you, it's about THEM. All you can do is continue to carry yourself with class and stand up for yourself if you become the next target of some harassing idiot.

Idiots in Baltimore

Blogger BeautyInBaltimore mentions a couple of losers she dealt with while in her neck of the woods.

These men have no tact, no class, and don't seem to take "no" for an answer.

Don't these clowns ever stop to take a breath?

I guess not. As thrilled as I was that harassment seemed to be dwindling down, I found out that these idiots are still up to their old tricks. An anonymous contributor sent me two instances of being harassed:

(1) My friends and I were going down the escalator at Eastern Market on our way home from work. One one annoying kid who was waiting for the bus tried to get my attention: "psst...psst. hey sexy! HEY SEXY!" I was just going to ignore him, but then I couldn't even CONCENTRATE on what my friend was saying. So then I turn to him (I'm still going down the escalator slowly) and tell him "Excuse me, you do NOT talk to me like that!" He gives a little shocked look and then says "Guurl, you WHITE! Baby, be black, be black!" This only makes me more mad that a man hears me defend myself and I speak proper English (God forbid). I proceed to yell at him as he laughs (clearly just trying to dismiss his rejection) how he needs to get some self-respect and thinking that speaking proper English equates being "white." I quickly realize the futility of the argument and proceed to flip him off before I step off the bottom of the stairs.

(2) A group of men were waiting for the bus near Eastern Market and I was walking with a bunch of other interns to a restaurant after work. I was in the middle of the group and one man proceeds to reach out his hand towards me. I hear a sultry "Hi friend, come here." I look up at him in horror as he TOUCHES me and I jerk away my hand. I say "Don't touch me; I'm not your fucking friend." His friends laugh and the rejected mimics me (poorly) "Don't touch me!" Oh, yes, that REALLY hurt *my* feelings. I was with a number of people (guys and girls) and I point the men out to my friends as we walk away. I loudly complained about them and made sure everyone turned out to stare. I noticed the men were pretty uncomfortable and were a bit worried about some consequences, so that made me feel a little bit better.

I just have to say that I love your blog. It's so good to know I'm not alone and the trends I've noticed aren't just with me. I am spending the summer in DC as an intern and I cannot WAIT to leave. I go to school in Boston and the harassment is no where near as bad as it is down here. I've actually limited my solo outings because I just can't deal with the degradation sometimes. Thank you so much for the site! It'll help me ''keep on keeping on'' for the remainder of my last week here.

I hope your last days in DC are harassment-free. I'm sorry that this is the behavior you had to deal with in the District.

I can relate to being made fun of by men like the ones featured in that same manner with the "you think you[sic] White!" and the obnoxious mocking. You're right...these clowns know they're not worth SHIT and by stooping to that level that's their way of making themselves feel good. They know good and well that a second ago you were their greatest fantasy, and since it didn't come true you became their biggest nightmare and an object of their disdain.

The behavior of losers like these does not (I repeat, DOES NOT) reflect on you in any way. Good for you for pointing out publicly how much these men sucked, so others could see it as well. They needed to be embarrassed.

Not many stories to report...

...which I see as a good thing. I'm hoping it means that these clowns that bother people on the District's streets are starting to get word that their actions are being reported to DBS.

In the meantime, Liz sent me the link to a research study about harassment on NYC trains. Also, Mari at In Shaw did a write up on how annoying it is to deal with men who consider a simple "hello" and other forms of common courtesy a foreign language.

As thrilled as I am that street harassment is currently at a standstill, I'm always available to accept stories and your feedback.

Stay strong, stay safe...and be happy that street harassment in DC has come to a pause (at least for now).