What Brown Shouldn't Do For You

I have no control over the creepy old guys who feel the need to tell me how pretty I am, but I do have control over how I react to them. For the past few days I've been acting like the ones on the street don't exist. Walking past them like they're background noise. For instance, some man bumming for money on the street completely ignored two couples that walked by him (probably because they were couples, not solo like me), but when I walked by he says "Hello, my beautiful angel." Ewwwwwww. Next.

It's one thing to get hit on by creepy guys on the street, but it's another when it's a man in uniform---our regular office UPS guy to be exact.

I was getting on the elevator and he was about to get off it. He puts his arm in the doorway to keep it from closing on me (polite) but then says, "There you go, beautiful" In.That.Tone. Sigh.

I tell him "That's unprofessional. You're in uniform. You shouldn't be hitting on me on the job. That's not cool." He acts professionally when he delivers our packages, so why should he change his demeanor when we're alone? Luckily for me he apologized and was polite about it.

Here's a response blogger Aileen left in my previous post:

I have to admit, I've had thoughts of worry about you personally on more than one occasion. It appears you are consumed with this issue (I hope that's not the case). But it seems like you are filled with rage and frustration and I know you are trying to "gain control" over the issue with this blog and with the movement you've started, but is the price too high to you personally?

DBS was formed as a replacement for HollaBackDC, which is now a "spam blog" (thanks to HollaBack Talk for that term). It was a way for harassment recipients and I to vent about dealing with street harassment. Because only street harassment is discussed here, many people misconstrue that as being "consumed" with it. Trust me, I'm not. When street harassment happens to me, yes, I'll post about it. The rest of the day I'm thinking of other things: work, martial arts, my online class, my favorite music and TV shows, meeting with friends, etc. So no, street harassment does not take up my life. It happens to me too damn frequently, yes, but it's not my main focus in life.

Also, I became an unofficial "street harassment activist" --- it fell into place, I guess. I get questions from people asking me what to do in this situation or that one. I honestly don't have all the answers and am learning myself. This blog is an educational experience for not only for the readers, but for me as well. And in my unofficial role, I have been starting to get the ball rolling on making the DC streets safer for women, like with our idea-exchanging meeting last month.

So for those who think I spend too much time on street harassment, look at it this way: If someone doesn't step in and do it, who else will?

(PS: Don't worry for me. . .I'll be fine.)

Street Harassment Photo Album on Flickr

Here is a new photo album someone started to collect photos of street harassers.

There's only one but it's a definite start: In Detroit, some clown with a Slurpee in his hand is going "Move those hips." Yuck.

Also, thanks to HollaBack Talk for linking to DBS.

Why me?

I am so sick of being singled out as a target for street harassment, catcalls, etc. Let me get about my day in peace, please!

Today I wore a shirt tunic, leggings/stretch pants, a sweater, leather boots and a leather jacket. I boarded the train at Fort Totten this morning and as I was walking towards the entrance some man looked me up and down and yelled "Girl, where da rest of your clothes?" in my ear. I don't think there's anything revealing about my outfit and I've worn it numerous occasions. (I'll post a photo of it later for proof.) I told him "Fool, please!" but that was not enough to get rid of the annoyance and invasion I felt.

When I arrived in Georgetown for work, there were Georgetown BID street cleaners hosing the street. I needed to walk past them and the one guy stopped his friend so I could get through without being hosed. That was nice, but then he had to go and ruin it:

"There you go, l'il mama," he said. Ugh.
"Excuse me," I said. "My name is not 'l'il mama.'"
"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am," he said. Sorry, ma'am." Now he was acting like a petulant kid. Then he had to smirk at me.
"Do you see me smiling?" I said. "It's not funny."

The light changed and I could finally cross the street. His friend with the hose said something, but I couldn't hear it with the hose running, nor did I care to. I'm offended because it's just another intraracial "black man with no regard for black women" situation. I highly doubt he'd call a white woman or an older woman "l'il mama." It's tacky, disrespectful, and just flat-out rude and condescending. I know what he looks like, but that's not enough to call the Georgetown BID and file a report. If only I got his name or badge number (if he has one). ETA: I just called the BID anyway. I had the approximate time and the location, and that was enough.

It's hard to concentrate at work because I can't get this mess out of my head. These men just ruin my attitude and my day. Why me? Why do they have to single me out? I'm just trying to go about my day with no problems or trouble, but they have to say something. I don't walk around with a sign that says "Harass me! Condescend me! Devalue me!" I wish they'd learn keep their mouths shut by counting to three if they have nothing of substance to say. Leave me and other women alone. Keep your gratuitous thoughts to yourselves.

Non-Accidental Bump

At Nappturality.com, a forum on Natural Black hair care, one of the posters wrote about being bumped into by some creepy guy, who then followed her and tried to hit on her. (You must be a registered user to view it.) It makes me sick to my stomach that men think this is the "normal" way to attract a woman's attention. You're getting attention alright - the negative kind. No woman wants or needs your nasty ass touching her in any way that's inappropriate.

Keep it in your pants, dude.

Cristina at Eckington DC Living sent this post about getting flashed (again!) by some idiot with too much time (and a limp dick) on his hands. Ugh...nasty!

He's apparently a sad loser with no self-esteem if he feels the need to do that. Gross.

Response to "Intraracial Tension"

O sent me this well-written response to "Intraracial Tension":

I'm a little late on the scene. Just read your intra-racial tension post. I have been through the same situation in the past, and I have regretted my reactions in the past. As a black woman I definitely understand how ignorant black people really wear on your nerves the most.

I'm fairly new to this city and have noticed that the DC harassers are slightly more aggressive than where I am from. However, when dealing with harassing black men, one thing has worked consistently well for me. It is especially effective if your harasser(s) ask a question - any question… Can I talk to you for a minute shortay? Can I walk with you baby? Even most statements (hey, slow down pretty lady, lemme talk to you for a second) can be answered in a way that stops the harassers cold.

If I am walking upon them, I always look them squarely in the eye, if but a swift moment, and reply with a firm "No Sir!" If I’ve already passed them, then I don’t turn around, but I make sure they can hear me as I continue walking: “NO SIR!” Don’t ask me how I figured this out – probably being sarcastic one day. But if anything can throw these fools off guard, it’s giving them “respect” in the face of their own ignorance. It has the effect of a low voltage stun gun. I call it the “verbal broken windows” theory. After saying this, I've never received a "stuck up *itch" or anything else out of they way. In fact, I can’t say that I’ve never heard any response from a harasser simplex-1. They are rendered speechless and confused enough for me to put a good distance between them and myself. Sort of works as a very quick way to let these people know WHO you are (as the guy blogger who's lived in Egypt before suggested): One to tolerate absolutely no crap from them.

The point is to never, ever stoop to the harassers' level. Don't let them bring you down, even one notch. Calling them a name (even "ignorant") would be doing so, and thus, quite ineffective. And certainly don't ever let them know what you're thinking (even if it’s a plea for them to go find some constructive reading material lol) as these aggressors only use that to try and find another inch.

Note: this does not work as well for the harasser simplex-2.B – the (drunk) bum-wanting-money. It is best to say nothing at all and refuse eye contact with them.

My two cents.

Happy New Year

Thank you, O. I am trying my hardest to come up with new methods to handle harassers. And I tell you, I'm sick of having struggles with people of my own race. We should be able to get along.

First DBS Submission of the New Year...

...sigh. Days into the new year and it's already happening. When will these men ever quit bothering women? Here's the submission, from an anonymous contributor:

Last night I was walking to Border's Books at 12th & E Streets NW and a block or so before I approached the intersection, I removed my iPod and placed it into my purse. I had a fleeting thought cross my mind about how doing this increased the likelihood of being harassed by some creep but dismissed it as I was almost to Border's. I have noticed that street harassers (on the metro, in the streets, etc.) seem to take a lack of iPod or lack of a phone conversation to mean that a female is "available to approach". Within seconds of taking it off, some man lurking in the shadows said "Hey, baby." I wished the stupid light would hurry up and change. He said it again, in a leering, gross kind of way. The light changed and I crossed the street, making a point of looking preoccupied and busy. As I approached the store I turned to the left and saw that he had actually crossed the street and was ten feet or so up the sidewalk. He said, "Hey baby, why you gotta be so mean?" He continued with his commentary but the wind drowned him out. I paused and nearly made a comment to the effect of "Women are not required to acknowledge strange men on the street, nor are they required to walk around looking friendly for your benefit," but the freezing wind, my continuing fruitless search for 2008 Moleskine softcover planners, and my disgust with this jackass just made me ignore him.

Once again, the new year's barely started and these clowns are up to their old tricks. I'm so sick of them with their "Hey, baby" and "Why you gotta" this and "Why you gotta" that. They need to realize that they have no control over women's actions. They need to stop loitering on street corners, stalking women and leave us the hell alone.

So much for a harassment-free '08.

ETA: re: Lack of iPod, headphones, cell, etc.---It doesn't necessarily deter harassers. I cannot count the number of times these fools would still try to talk to me when I was on the phone or listening to music. I was in Dupont Circle last spring sitting on the fountain's ledge and my phone rang. This fool came up to me with that "Girl, can I talk to you?" mess! I gave him a "Fool, please" look and got up and walked away. He then proceeds to go to the CVS across the street to stand there, beg people for money, and stare at me. Nut.

Even telling them "I'm not interested" is no deterrent. I told someone I wasn't interested in what he had to say and he was still trying to talk to me. "Girl, I love you anyway!" (shudders)

Someone jokingly made a comment to me via e-mail that there should be a "charm school for harassers" to teach them how to be more respectable and better-mannered gentlemen. It was only a joke but I think that is an idea to truly consider implementing. These harassers need to learn manners and respect.