Response to "Alert! Alert! DC has an infestation. . ."

Elizabeth sent this email message in response to the aforementioned post:

I appreciate and admire the ones who stood up to the behavior. I am also finding the main blogger's comments helpful!

There is a remnant of respect towards the aged. Recently, an older woman simply said to two boys who were playing their music too loud on the metro, "That's too loud, please turn it down" and they did it.

My past attempts were not as fruitful. Two kids were sitting on each other's laps and leaning all over me on the Metro en route to Wilson High. I told them to stop, and you're right, they just parroted back my words to me and continued. I got really incensed and called the school principal with a detailed description of the main trouble-maker. The office asked me to email the principal, Ms. Williams, with the details, which I did, but was told "that pretty much describes each of our students and we can't find and speak with the one you mentioned."

I am a mentor with a local program for high school kids, College Bound. I love it and think the program is very positive for the kids who are enrolled. This program is going to make sure that kids don't slip between the cracks and fail to graduate from high school. If a student is in the middle of a misunderstanding with a teacher, the program will help figure our a solution. However, there are a few boys and girls who come to the meetings every week and don't have their own mentor yet. I hope a few adults will be willing to do this! The mentors are a group of good people, racially diverse, age diverse but more on the young (20s and 30s) end of the spectrum.

Thanks, Elizabeth. I'll repeat, gauging the situation, deciding whether or not to take action, reporting it to the authorities, and mentor programs are the way to go when dealing with these rowdy, misguided kids.

What baffles me is Ms. Williams's comment about "that pretty much describes each of our students and we can't find and speak with the one you mentioned." Huh?! So you're saying that all the kids in your school are disruptive, disrespectful and don't listen to authority? Ms. Williams, you have no faith in your own high school.

Also, the comments have been opened to all Bloggers for the original post. I definitely want to get an open discussion going there!

Highlights from the Martha Langelan Workshop

Though I was sick to death with the flu, I managed to get to the January 31st workshop as promised. It was a workshop for the Eastern Mennonite University students, and I was an invited guest. (No other outsiders attended, unfortunately, but the next time an event like this happens I hope more can attend!) The EMU interns were all ill with colds and flus as well, but it didn't stop anyone from enjoying the experience.

Martha Langelan may be a small woman, but she is by no means a fearful one. The reason why she got into self-defense and martial arts is because she didn't want to fit the stereotype of being a scared, helpless girl, and wanted to give women the chance to defend themselves as well.

Here are my notes from that night:

1. Kids Getting Hit

Have you ever witnessed a situation where a kid is getting yelled at or hit by his/her mom/dad? You know that feeling . . . you want to step in but don't know how to go about it without becoming the object of the parent's anger or bringing more harm to the child. Martha came up with two techniques for handling this:

a) "Praise the Baby." This means to tell the child something good about his/herself, like "What a good baby you are!" "That is the cutest shirt!" "What a pretty smile you have!" Those things detract from the parent's anger, and give the parent an impression that s/he's a good parent that's raised a good child.

b) A similar tact is to tell the child how good s/he was acting. This helps if the child was acting up in public, and the child will probably start to behave better. It once again points out the positive as opposed to the negative. Also, the parent will feel like s/he is a good parent if the positive is pointed out.

2. Muggings

Muggings take on average a quick 15 seconds. The assailant is usually a scared teenager, and a deadly weapon is usually involved. Here are ways to handle being mugged:

a) Stay calm. If you get in what Martha calls "scared rabbit" mode (body tenses and you hold your breath), you can slowly breathe it out as you do the next actions:

b) Drop bag/wallet/whatever object. No inanimate object is worth your safety. Back away about 10 feet (not too close, not too far), then say "Take the ______."

c) Try your best to get three distinct details about the mugger. Get physical things, such as eyebrow shape, scars, tattoos, eye colors, nose size/shape, etc. You could say "yellow shirt," but that could change while physical traits tend to remain constant.

d) Run to safety.

e) Tell your neighbors, the police, anyone about this. The more people know the more allies you have to get that perp off the streets.

f) Put up flyers to help get the word out about the mugger, which has a similar result as point e).

3. Observation Circle

a) Try to take note of the people around you, using about a 10-foot radius per side (front, back, left, right).
b) TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!
c) Speak first to the people you pass. A simple "Hello, sir/ma'am" could diffuse a potential situation.
d) When noticing the people in your observation circle, take note of the physical traits, such as scars, tattoos, odd body language, tension, etc.
e) We live in a world of technology with cell phones and iPods. Oftentimes we use those devices to try to prevent street harassers from bothering us. Martha thinks that a better tactic is to keep your phone in your pocket and use it for emergencies only. Anyone yakking away on a cell phone has their guard down and could put themselves at risk for danger. The same thing goes for iPods/headphones---don't wear them out in public and keep alert.

4. What If?

To prepare for danger, do the following. Varying your routes and times of getting around throws a potential stalker off track. In your neighborhood, look for the houses/businesses with their lights on. Walk around your neighborhood to get a sense of it (finding out where certain streets begin/end, looking out for dead ends, etc.). If you're ever in a precarious situation, use an "everyday weapon" (a pen to stab an assailant, a wicker laundry basket to prevent a knife from stabbing you, throwing bleach from the cabinet at the assailant, etc.) in your house or wherever you are at that moment.

5. Burglars

Practice ways of getting out of your house with efficiency and get to a neighbor's house. Call 911 from there. In case of burglary, make up a code word that only your family and trusted neighbors know (like "banana") and come up with a meeting place (the neighbor's house).

6. Carjackings

Similar to the burglary incident, practice ways of getting out of your car. Use a code word. If you have a baby/child in a car seat, practice the fastest way of getting him/her out of that seat (even if it means keeping him/her in the seat). Teach your older children how to help getting their little siblings out. Get out of the car away from the assailant. And let the perp have those keys---as noted above, no car is worth your life being taken.

Now here is information related to harassment, bullying and bigotry.

Non-violent Confrontation:

1. Name the behavior (When you [state what the harasser did]).
a) Describe facts (When you pinch my butt/whistle at me/call me baby/etc. it creeps me out/makes me sick/it disrespects me/etc.)
b) Request/command what you want (From now on, you will/not touch me/say "Hello, miss" or "Hello, ma'am"/etc.)

2. All-purpose harassment statement:

"Stop harassing women. I don't like it. No one likes it. Show some respect." Say that in the most neutral (not too aggressive, not too passive) assertive tone.

If Joe Harasser is still running his mouth, the back-up line to use is "You heard me. Show some respect." Keep repeating this, even if the harasser is saying junk to save face.

a) Never ignore harassment. Ignoring it lets the perp get away with it, and it allows it to fester on the inside. Silence turns into stress.
b) The "F-Y" response is not a good tactic either. Cursing out the harassers can only escalate a potentially violent situation.
c) Running away can have a similar result to a). You haven't asserted yourself and you're holding it in.

3. A-B-C statement (be very concrete about A and C):

a) Tell the harasser what the problem is. ("When you whistle at me. . .")
b) What's the effect? ("It makes me uncomfortable.")
c) I want you to [say "Hello, ma'am"] from now on.

4. Substance comments vs. superficial comments

No woman trying to walk down a street wants to hear a valueless "hey, beautiful" from some man they don't know. The men giving "compliments" on the street are just using the women on the street as something to ogle. When they do that on the street, say "Thanks, but I prefer you to refer to me as "miss" or "ma'am" from now on."

When it happens at the workplace, where your work talent should be valued more than your physical appearance, answer with "Well, thanks, but I really want to know [what you thought about my presentation report/ad campaign ideas/etc.]."

5. The Socratic Question

When some man on the street makes a comment like "Girl, you be lookin' good enough to eat!" (yuck!), ask them to explain what they mean by it. Some harassers may actually try to come up with a dumb reason for their statements, but most will be embarrassed being caught saying something that stupid.

6. If you're bold enough, Martha's confrontation survey can help you approach street harassers when they do or say something stupid. 2/11/08: Edited to add updated mailing address for surveys. (If the download link expires, please let me know so I can renew it.)

7. If a man on public transportation puts his hand on your knee, you can remove it with the command/pinkie technique.

Say: "Your hand is on my knee. Remove it right now." Don't sugarcoat it with "please," "excuse me," "sorry," etc. It just weakens your command.

If the man doesn't comply, say: "You heard me. Remove it right now." While saying that, lift his hand off your knee, picking it up by his pinkie finger.

If the man still doesn't cooperate, rally the other passengers to help out. Granted, we live in a Kitty Genovese syndrome society, where people are afraid to jump in and help. Martha gave a tactic to overcome it:

Say: "Ladies and gentlemen, this man sitting next to me put his hand on my knee, and refuses to remove it. I need your help in describing him to the police. He is a [race] male, about [height] tall, who has [color] eyes, hair, etc."

Also, delegating tasks to specific passengers makes it hard for them to ignore or avoid. Say: "Young lady with the [article of clothing] on, go press the emergency button and contact the train operator." Drawing specific attention to these people will make them feel more obligated to help.

8. If you are attacked, yelling "HELP!" (soft consonant sounds) has no power. Yelling "FIRE!" doesn't help either. What does help in case of attack is the following:

"KI-YA! IT'S AN ATTACK! CALL THE COPS!" The bite of the "K" sound gets the message across loud and clear.

If you practice this with neighbors, this is the respond a neighbor who witnesses this should have. That neighbor will turn on his/her light and yell: "I SEE YOU, I HEAR YOU, I'M CALLING THE COPS!"

If the assailant has witnesses, he's less likely to attack and the victim can get free. If you're close to your neighbors, please practice this with them.

The rest of the workshop involved physical self-defense moves. It's hard to explain in words, so if you see me around ask me, and I'll gladly show you what to do.

I hope that what I learned from Martha Langelan's workshop is as helpful to you as it was to me.

Drive-By Hollas Drive Me Crazy!!

A self-quote from the previous post:

Drive-by hollas leave me on edge because they happen in a split second and catch me off-guard.

I was out today looking for a new apartment. One of the neighborhoods I headed towards was Woodridge. I was running late and I power-walked down South Dakota Avenue. It seemed like a nice, ordinary day. I admired the scenery and nature as I walked.

After checking out the place, I saw so many nice houses, school buildings and churches that I wanted to explore the neighborhood. It was all good until I spotted a pack of "Loitering Losers." I was walking towards this school on Newton NE near 18th, and five crusty, old, bad-teeth having, pitiful men were leaning back against a car as if they were "Original Gangstas." Original Losers is more like it. They said "hi," I said "hi" back (being polite). Then they had to say "Um-um-um...gorgeous." I felt like I was going to throw up in my mouth.

Remembering what I learned from Martha Langelan's workshop, I approached them and told them "I don't like it when men I don't know give me compliments. It makes me uncomfortable. Just say 'hello, miss' or 'hello, ma'am.'"

They copped attitude when I made my spiel. "End of story!" they said, as I spoke.

I proceeded back towards South Dakota to get back home, and the men driving their cars would not leave me alone. Two men beeped their horns at me. One yelled "hello, girl!" out of his car.

"I don't talk to random men in cars!" I yelled. "Leave me alone!"

Another guy in a blue SUV would not leave me alone. He beeped his horn frantically, stuck his head out of the driver's window and waved at me.

"I don't know you," I said. "Stop waving at me!"

When the light turned green, he drove off, but not without trying to say more things to me.

"I don't want to talk to you. . .leave me alone!" I said.

The last was at South Dakota and 16th. A man driving a white truck (Was it a fish truck, furniture truck or moving truck? Unfortunately I didn't notice.) beeped at me and was saying "Hello!"

"I don't know you and I don't want to talk to random men in their vehicles," I said.

But he wouldn't let up.

"I'm just tryna say 'hi,'" he said.

"I do not want to talk to you or any other man from his car," I said. "Let me walk in peace!"

"All I wanted to do was say---"

"Do you hear me?!" I yelled. What little cool I had was gone. "Leave me the hell alone! I'm tired of you men honking at me, trying to talk to me. I don't want to talk to you. . .LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Unfortunately for me, this made me look bad, and anyone who witnessed it would've thought I was the crazy one. No one realizes that I deal with this mess every single day. (See the past few entries for my drive-by holla woes).

I proceeded back home with my head hanging down. I wanted to hide somewhere. My throat hurt from yelling at that last idiot. No one knows the pain I feel when I deal with harassment. And another thing that got to me was that I passed another solo young woman, who was probably going to deal with the South Dakota Avenue Showdown as well. The cycle never ends. I was very depressed from the SD Showdown that I called Martha Langelan, leaving a message on her phone asking how to handle drive-by harassment. When she responds (she's busy doing tours on street harassment on a regular basis), I'll post the answer in a future DBS entry.

I've done numerous posts on drive-by hollas. Out of all the harassment I deal with when I'm out and about, drive-by hollas are the worst. With men hanging out on the street, you can see your harasser(s). Like in my martial arts class, we learn about telegraphs---when you can just tell what your sparring opponent's going to do next. With street harassers, you can tell when they're going to say something smart alecky or ignorant, and you can be prepared with a reaction.

With drive-by hollas, you never know what will happen. A string of cars pass by and you can't tell if the first one or the tenth one will beep and try to crudely talk to you. They really send me over the edge. I can't (nor will I ever!) run into traffic to approach the men who do it, and there's the risk of one of these idiots deciding to grab their harassment recipients and restrain them in their vehicle, and do lord knows what to them. Also, they are in a vehicle that weighs a ton, which comes off as imposing and intimidating to the harassment recipient. Or they have a green light so they can proceed on their merry ways without fear of repercussions.

I repeatedly say this, any man who needs to hassle a woman trying to go about her day is a coward---the drive-by harassers more so. The men who do this mess out of their vehicles don't have the guts to bother a woman face to face. Do they not realize how tasteless it is to repeatedly honk their horns at a woman, or try to "mack on" a woman from their cars? It leaves a foul taste in my mouth recalling these incidents.

To quote from NOLA radfem's recent piece on street harassment, giving you the idea how I feel when dealing with drive-by harassers:

It means you are walking along, lost in your own thoughts. . .and some men in a truck drive by and yell at you, scaring you and leaving your heart pounding long after they've driven away laughing. . .[i]t means never, ever having the freedom to walk down the street, unmolested, safe, truly free and alone with your own thoughts.

And from Debs at Feminist Fire's piece:

[T]he men who did these things, will have moved on with their lives, in all likelihood completely forgetting about them, as if they are of no consequence. . .They have been brought up in such a way, and in such a world, that makes them truly believe they have an innate right to do and say whatever they want to women and girls, without consequences. The majority of the time, there are no consequences for the male, although there should be. The consequences for the female are deep and long-lasting, but why should women carry the burden of responsibility for men’s (supposedly the ’stronger’, more reasonable sex) words and actions?

These men do what the hell they want and get away with it, while being able to walk tall. We women have to internalize it and let it fester on the inside. Damn it, I'm tired of internalizing the pain of being a repeat harassment recipient.

Finally, for all the people who don't understand why I get on edge when these men feel the need to "compliment" me ("hey, beautiful," "hey, go-jiss [sic]"), here's my answer: BECAUSE I DON'T LEAVE MY HOUSE TO BE ON DISPLAY FOR THESE SORRY EXCUSES FOR MEN TO OGLE!!!! It is not any woman's job or responsibility to be a walking peep show for these losers. Every woman has the right to walk down the street, to run errands, to enjoy nature, to leave out to hang out with friends, without having their livelihood imposed on by these creeps. We have the right to be left alone.

Who is the HR representative for UPS?

Because they keep hiring the same no good, no class-having men to work for them!

I was walking down P Street at about quarter to 6 this evening, and out of a UPS truck I heard "Guuuuuuuuuuurl, you look cute!" Tacky, unprofessional and crude. Drive-by hollas leave me on edge because they happen in a split second and catch me off-guard. It was hard to stay calm because it came out of nowhere. It made me uncomfortable and put me on the spot. I ended up yelling "I'm going to report you! That is ignorant and unprofessional!" but what good would that do when I 1) wasn't close enough to get his license plate number 2) couldn't even see his face. It bothers me that being in uniform and driving the UPS truck aren't deterrents to prevent these men from harassing women on the streets. Apparently UPS doesn't care about who they hire, as long as those trifling fools show up to get paid.

Closer to Dupont Circle, I had a harasser who I could see this time. This fat, disheveled man sitting at a bench kept whistling like a wolf at me. Nasty!

I walked up to him and said "I do not like it when you whistle at me. It creeps me out. From now on, if you want to get my attention or any other woman's attention, you say 'hello.' Stop harassing women."
"Hawh?!" he said, looking like an idiot.
"You heard me, stop harassing women," I repeated.
He obviously has mental problems because he resumed whistling at me. He's lucky it was me and not someone else dealing with him, because I'm sure someone bigger would've punched that man out.

Another day of defeat in the world of a harassment recipient. :-(

Alert! Alert! DC has an infestation. . .

(2/11/08---Accidentally had the comment settings on "Blog admins only"---fixed it so anyone registered with Blogger can comment. I apologize for the inconvenience.)

. . .and I'm not talking about the rodents. I'm talking about the horribly-behaving, no common sense-having kids and teens running rampant in the streets. These kids have a negative outlook on life and horrible demeanors. When on public transportation, they make the trip for the common commuter painful and excruciating. Street harassment isn't only sexual harassment, so I'm using this post to talk about badly behaving kids.

I just got off the most painful train ride ever. At about 9:30 this evening, a mob of about 20 or so kids rushed onto the train at Rhode Island Avenue Station. They were screaming this-that, one made a comment about "stabbin' a n**** in the head" (this is their form of everyday "friendly" conversation) and they were running their mouths about a fight about to happen. These kids wanted to jump back off the train and fight on the platform. A station manager boarded and told the driver to close the door. The kids started copping attitudes. They were screaming, hollering and itching to fight. They got so loud that a little baby in a stroller started to cry. These fools were talking about jumping off the train in-between stops to run back and fight!

It didn't end there. A chunk of them got off at the same stop as I did. They were still walking in a mob, blocking the way, talking about fighting and finally worrying about what their mothers thought.

I'm puzzled. We had bad kids in Buffalo that mobbed together, intimidated people, caused noise and chaos in trains, but instead of sitting there in fear, people took action. Bus drivers would threaten to kick the kids off the train and make them walk. Some carried baseball bats. The drivers and train operators rarely showed fear. When dealing with bad kids at a job I used to work at years ago, one of the most nonsuspecting women---an older, quiet woman---stepped up to them and dealt with them. All said, why the hell are people in DC so afraid to discipline these bad kids?

I know there are a lot of worries about these kids carrying guns, knives and other weapons. However, there had to have been a time when people disciplined their kids and showed them who was in charge. When did adults relinquish this power to the kids?

I've been in many intimidating situations where it was them vs. me. There'd be a mob of them and only me. The worst experience was in Columbia Heights/Adams Morgan a few winters ago. My roommates were throwing a drunken party and I wanted to get away from there. I was going to take a bus to Tryst, but I missed the bus and it was too cold to stand still and wait for the next one (30 minutes). I thought I'd be fine walking (lapse of judgment there), but a group of kids---mostly boys but one girl---tried to crowd around me. I tried to get away. They started snickering and acting like it was funny. One sneaked up on me and when I turned around he ran away laughing. I will admit there that I was frightened. I cursed and screamed at those kids, but all it did was make it worse. Long story short, I was a wreck and petrified to head to that area---an area I frequent on a regular basis---for a good while, even in daytime.

Years later, I feel stronger and less afraid. I find myself more frustrated with than afraid of these kids. Why do they act like junior hoodlums? You can't talk to them like civilians, because to them respect and kindness is a joke. When you take the disciplinarian mode they want to fight. What the hell can we do with these kids?

Two boys from the train were standing at a bus stop across from mine. They gradually moved to be closer to me. (It wasn't an "I changed my mind and am taking a different bus" move. . .it was a sidle-up move.) My BS detector was up. When I heard them talking about "I'mma jump a White boy and rob him for his money!" and laughing, I wasn't having that. I may not be White and I was not their intended target, but I was disgusted regardless.

"You go right ahead and try," I said, with the nastiest sarcastic tone in my voice. "Go right ahead and rob someone."
The boys stopped in their tracks.
"We ain't say nothin' to you!" they said. Then they repeated what I said: Pattern #1 with bad kids---Repeat what you say verbatim as if you didn't remember what you had said.
"You need to go home to your mothers and leave people alone," I said.
They repeated me again. "She said we need to go home to our mothers---"
"Go home and leave people alone," I said. "Go. Home." What I said finally left them speechless.

It's hard for these kids to take me seriously when I get mistaken for a kid. I got on the bus, and girls from the earlier Metro incident boarded as well, screaming and still itching to fight. I dealt with it on the train---I was not going to deal with it on the bus.

"Be quiet and carry yourself like you have some sense," I said. "Show some respect."
Pattern #2 with bad kids: Say something to them, they get this blank look of shock in their faces, then they break out into laughter. That's exactly what happened. Anything said to them goes in one ear and out the other. Dealing with these kids is like dealing with a broken record. They're predictable.

"Who are you talkin' to like that?" the one girl said.
"I'm talking to you," I said. "I dealt with that noise from you on the Metro, and I refuse to deal with it on this bus ride home."
"I know you ain't talkin' to me like that," the girl said. "I'm 18 and a grown-ass woman, boo."
I needed to tell this "grown-ass woman" the truth. I did get up to approach her and her friend. I refused to be afraid.
"I'm 27 [well, I will be] and have got years on you. You need to act like you have some sense."
"I got a sister older than you [so?!], so I don't need to listen to you."
Some guy jumped in and told the girls to sit down and told me "we cool. It's a'ight."
"She tryin' to step up to me like dat," the girl kept complaining. "Who she think she is? She think she my mother."

The bus driver came up to me and asked what was going on. I let him know these girls were trouble. But in the pattern of fear, he acted like he was going to approach them, said something in a soft voice, then went back to the driver's seat. It is definitely them vs. me.

A lot of people tell me that the behavior of these kids is "not your problem." Unfortunately, when the bad behavior is in front of my face and affects what's going on around me, then it becomes my problem. And if more parents stepped in to teach their kids how to grow up and be productive adults, then it wouldn't be my problem.

The rest of the bus ride involved the girls mocking me and getting riled up. I don't know how, but I managed to maintain a sense of cool. I said "Keep on talking" and turned my music up to tune them out. They did a drill and a rap "Girl, get off da bus! Get off da bus!" as I exited the bus, and I gave them a look that read "I'm watching you." More adults need to step up and let these kids know that they won't let their bad behavior cow them.

I'm not saying to throw yourself in a dangerous situation. If a thug who's two times my size is threatening to beat the shit out of me, then I'm not going to approach him---martial arts training or not. These girls were my size, not a physical threat to me, and I didn't feel afraid to approach them. Gauge the situation, and if you feel you can handle it handle it. If not, get the authorities involved in the matter.

I have so many stories about these rowdy kids, but the frustrating thing is the rowdy kids get more attention than good kids. In Buffalo, you could read the Buffalo News and hear about the honor students, see the Super 7 student athletes on News Channel 7, and just know that good kids outshine the bad. I look at the Washington Post and all I hear about are the schools falling apart, failing parents, and kids killing each other. Enough is enough.

Another thing that frustrates me is the racial element. I hate reading comments in the Post from scared White people saying things such as "that's how Black kids are." No, it's not how all Black kids are---just the rowdy ones with no discipline. I'm not denying that there is racial tension between the White middle class and the Black lower class, but I hate how the actions of a few give these clowns reasons to justify their racism.

Other than trying to correct the kids' behavior, there are other ways of helping out. There are various mentor programs throughout DC looking for new recruits. (This is something I admit I am nervous to do, since I fear the mentee would find me "too dorky and rigid" to relate to. But trust me, I would love to do it one day.) Get involved in youth-oriented activities as well. I went to see the kids from Hart Middle School in Southeast from the DC Creative Writing Workshop read their poetry at the Borders on K Street last winter. They were fidgety and clowned around a little, but when each individual kid approached the podium to read their pieces, the tough veneers faded and a vulnerability shown through. I was impressed. It just shows that when you take the time to nurture these kids, they can be steered towards that straight and narrow path.

And I will give kudos to the adults I have seen take the time to discipline these kids:

1) Around summer 2006 when I lived in Alexandria, some boys got on a DASH bus and started critiquing the women on the bus, referring to them as "ugly," "I wanna f*** her," "bitch," etc. This bus driver asked the boys to come to the front of the bus, and he educated them and told them to respect women. That was cool! (This driver is a middle-aged guy with dreads and glasses, so if you see him driving the DASH still, give him the props he deserves.) He also helped me out once when some fool pushed people (myself included) out of the way and got aggressive at Van Dorn Station. The driver asked why I looked upset, I told him, and he got off the bus looking for that fool! (He wasn't found, but the action of his looking for this fool made me feel good.) Once again, this driver usually worked on the DASH 2 and 8 buses. If you see him, give him the respect he deserves.

2) Some rowdy girls got on the train towards Glenmont this past summer, and they were doing the usual screaming and talking about wanting to fight people. (The worst part was that their mother was nearby not doing a thing to control them!) A kindly older woman told them that they should "act like ladies" and tried to steer them towards a conversation about how they spent their day. (They had come from the zoo with their mother.) Though the girls sighed, copped attitudes and sucked their teeth, the woman wouldn't let up. The girls proceeded to scream and holler when they got off the train, but the woman didn't let it stop her from trying to instill values in them. I commended her for her patience with dealing with those girls, and she said "young ladies just need to know they can act like young ladies."

3) A meticulously-dressed older woman and her rowdy granddaughter approached the bus stop I was waiting at two weeks ago. The girl was rapping, her butt was hanging out of her clothes, and the grandmother looked harried. The girl was loud, and the grandmother was quiet. Finally:

"I don't know why that bus driver called the police on us," the girl said with an attitude.
"Because y'all kids don't know how to act," the grandmother replied. "Act like y'all ain't got no sense."
"That's how kids act!" the girl snapped.
"Y'all don't need to act like that," the grandmother said. "You need to learn how to sit and be quiet. I'm glad that woman called the police."

You tell 'em, Grandma!

In the end, we need to let these kids know that we adults are not afraid of them. And the children shall lead, when they get older, wiser, and learn how to stop antagonizing the people of DC and act with decorum and common sense.

(Turning the comments on for this one, since it needs to be discussed.)

Harassment in the Red Line District (Dupont, Farragut Square)

I tell you---unseasonably warm weather brings out the worst harassers.

• "Strange Harassment"
  Walking down Connecticut towards Dupont Circle, a guy with dreads rode by on his skateboard. He singled me out as the 1) only other Black person 2) as a person with dreads amongst the many White people in that specific block.
  
  "Rastafarian powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" he squealed, while riding by. Great. He then stops near me.
  "Have you heard of Haile Selassie?" he asked, the craziness obvious in his tone.
  "Uh, no," I said, having a brain fart. The only thing on my mind was getting home to enjoy that burger I got from Five Guys. "And right now, I don't care."
  "What?!" he said in shock. "Haile Selassie is the ultimate being of Black righteousness! The epitome of Rasta culture!"
  "Dude, just because I'm Black and have dreads does not make me a Rasta," I said.
  "Sista, you need to recognize! Embrace your Rasta-ness!"
  
  This guy was annoying the crap out of me. He continued to skate on, screaming nonsense at me. I told him to please stop "coonin' and buffoonin'" and to leave me alone.
  
  "Rasta power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled from down the street. All these stuffy, middle-aged White people had noticed this, and started mocking this guy. "We need to embrace our Rastaness!" they said. It was just an uncomfortable experience.
  
  I thought he was gone for good, but when I continued on I noticed he stopped to talk to a homeless man. I sneaked by behind a group of people so he wouldn't see me. I have never been embarrassed that badly in public in my life.

The rest of my harassment instances of the night were more of the typical vein, but none less disgusting or aggravating.

• Some guy standing in front of the Starbucks at Connecticut near the circle made kissing noises and winked at me.
  
  "I do not like it when men make kissing noises at me," I said. "If you want to get my attention or other women's attentions, just say 'hello.'"
  "Sorry, miss!" he said, nervously. "I didn't mean to look at you!" (So who were those kissing noises meant for? Either way, it's gross!)



• Later this evening, I walked past the Pizza Hut on M Street. Two delivery guys were sitting outside of the restaurant on their delivery bikes. One of them was checking me out! Ugh! The other guy told the ogler to leave me alone, but the ogler wouldn't stop. He said something in the lines of wanting to "get wit' dat fine thing in that leather jacket." Barf-o-rama. I didn't have the words to respond back. I gave a look in disgust and shook my head.



• Lastly, I made it to the bus stop and was waiting for it to take me home. This clown pulls up in a black SUV. Luckily for me he was in the left lane, so he wasn't directly near me. He beeps at me and waves as if he knows me, and I'm giving a look like "what the hell?!"
  
  "Where are you goin'?" he asks in this whiny-sounding voice.
  "I do not know you," I said. "When strange guys I don't know try to offer me a ride, it creeps me out."
  "I seen [sic] you around," he said. Now that makes me extremely uncomfortable.
  "I do not know you, please leave me alone," I said, trying to maintain my cool. I tried to use what I learned in Martha Langelan's workshop: a) naming the behavior ("When you _________________"), b) saying how it made me feel, then c) asking what I wanted the harasser to do in the future to modify his behavior. My rendering of it wasn't perfect, but I maintained a semblance of cool. My only huge mistake is saying "please." I was supposed to use an assertive tone with a neutral voice (which I did), and words like "please" and "sorry" water it down. Next time I'll remember.
  
  The light turned green and the guy drove off, but his "I seen [sic] you around" still freaks me out. I can't go about my day anymore without worrying about these weird-ass guys following me and knowing my whereabouts. Reminds me of another thing I learned in Martha's workshop---never do anything routine or in a pattern. I need to change around how I get around so these men don't have a trace locked in on me. Sad it has to be that way.

So that's how I spent the rest of the night, dealing with creeps and losers.

Speak Out, Sisters!

Thanks to HollaBack Talk for linking to these blogs.

Debs at Feminist Fire wrote a great piece chronicling the harassment she's dealt with her entire life, and exploring the power privilege that men who harass use against women. (Her post brought a lot of carthasis in the comments section.)

NOLA radfem did a write-up on harassment called Living While Female. Another great piece about how we women are living in a "war zone" when it comes to these harassing men.

Thank you ladies for opening up and writing these excellent pieces. Dealing with harassment is never a good thing, but talking about it instead of holding it in is a good thing.