I'm losing the battle against street harassment

I'm tired. The street harassment has gotten so bad that I need to be coerced to leave my house. As bored as I get being cooped up in this small apartment, I dread having to leave the house. I get a shaky and nervous feeling that runs from my head to my legs. My mentality's gone from "let me be prepared in case street harassment happens" to "let me be prepared because street harassment will happen." I guess it's in vain to ask for the Lord to give me strength when I don't go to church on Sundays.

My brother's birthday's in a few days and I had to get him something. I garnered the energy to head to Pentagon City to get him a few things. I had to transfer from the Red Line to Yellow Line, and as I walked along the Yellow Line platform I heard the middle of some man's conversation then:

"Ooh-wee! Well, hello!"

I hate that perverted tone these men get in their voices. And I hate that he did this overdramatic double-take when I walked by. I turned around and gave him a nasty look.

"Yes, I said 'hello'," he said.
"Don't talk to me like that," I said and continued on.

As I got off at Pentagon City, I noticed my reflection in the doors' windows. Haggard, tired, sad.

I rushed and got all I needed, then headed back to the train station. I walk by two teenage boys, and one of them said, "girl, you need to sit next to me," and pointed at the seat next to him. His friend laughed.

"Excuse me," I said. "Did you say 'girl, sit next to me'?"
"Yeah," the kid said.
"Don't tell me what the hell to do! I'll sit where I goddamn please! You learn how to respect women and go about your business!" I said what I had to say and walked away. To my back there was a lot of snickering, giggling, and "she[sic] ugly anyway."

I got back to my neighborhood and went to the drugstore and market to get some things I needed. I proceeded on home and waited at a light (near the spot where the men always hang out). Some creepy older man was starting to cross coming towards me, and he said "hey, baby!" to a car he passed. Oh, shit.

I was just not in the mood. He "hey, baby'd" me and I was silent. I just wanted to get home...boy, did I just want to get home.

"You're allowed to talk," he said.
Here we go again...men trying to tell me how to govern my actions.
"I don't feel like talking," I said.
"That's why I said 'you're allowed to talk'," he said.
"Don't tell me what to do---leave me the hell alone! I'm tired, trying to get home and I'm sick of men on the street bothering me EVERY! SINGLE! DAY! I am sick---"
"I'm trying to help you get a husband---I'm trying to help you get a husband---"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed.
Everyone who was nearby stopped in their tracks...well, almost everybody.

"You won't get a husband like that," the man continued on.
I took the time to gather some semblance of calm and continue home. Five minutes away...only five minutes away...

"Boo," I heard. "Boo---boo! Boo-boo---" Two men (at least one was a man, I couldn't tell with the other) sitting on that same damn bench were trying to talk to me. Ignoring them seemed to have no effect, since they wouldn't let up. I approached them.

"Look," I said. "I am trying to get home. I don't want to talk to some raggedy, uneducated fools loitering at a bus stop---LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!"
They got quiet. A middle-aged couple had seen this across the street and spoke to each other. I couldn't hear what they said, but I knew they said something about the incident.

I felt a tightness in my shoulders. My body shook as I breathed in and out, trying to keep my calm until I got into the safety of my apartment. I made it home and broke down. (If my eyes weren't so daggone sensitive from wearing contacts I probably would've cried more.) I'm losing this battle, and I'm feeling like putting up that white flag.

I had no intention of living in DC forever, and I am about ready to move out of this area. I looked up the cost of living adjustment and pretty much every place I looked up has a lower COLA than DC. This city is leaving a horrid taste in my mouth. I am bored, lonely, friendless in this area, and am sick of leaving the house to face abuse on the streets. I don't do anything to deserve being treated like an object to drool over or a human punching bag for these men to put their insecurities on. It's time to move out and move on.

Until that day comes, I won't stop trying to make the streets safer for women in DC. I hope more people can support me in that battle.

Woman vs. Machine

It's hard enough dealing with men on the street harassing us, but even worse than that is when a man tries to harass a female pedestrian from his car. It's infuriating, intimidating, and flat-out dismissal of women's rights to walk the streets as they choose.

Harassers in their cars do all sorts of things to bother harassees---beep their horns loudly to get their attention, scream stupid things from their cars, making kissing noises and sounds from their cars, and use their cars to stalk their victims. It's hard to handle harassment from cars because they can drive fast and make it hard to miss the driver and license plate number, and you never know where it'll come from.

My recent experience with car harassers had me furious. I was walking home from the train station two days ago and I noticed a maroon SUV drive by. I proceed towards the main street and I hear "psst...psst! Excuse me!"

I made the mistake of turning around. It was the same maroon SUV I'd seen drive by, with two middle-aged men in it. These idiots turned around and tried to drive back towards me---the nerve!

"NOOOOOO!" I yelled. With car harassers, you've gotta be louder and be heard.
These fools thought my screaming in anger was funny, so they started laughing.
"This isn't fucking funny," I yelled. "Go away and leave me the hell alone...you FUCKING STALKERS!"

Those fools knew they were wrong and drove off. Why is my autonomy threatened so much by these men? It was 6 in the evening and still sunny outside, and I wanted to enjoy it while I could. I'm sick and tired of these men threatening my right to walk home!

When these men are using their cars as a method to stalk women, it unnerves me. When I lived in Buffalo, some guy kept circling the block as I tried to get home, and he kept doing "the lean" when he saw me---arm wrapped around the steering wheel, leaning his body close, and glaring too hard. I noticed this, and opted not to go straight home. I walked in a circuitous and crazy path to throw him off, and eventually he backed off and drove off.

I've had men slow their cars down to match my pace and that pisses me off. Back in Buffalo, some men tried to talk to me from their beat-up car, and even when I said "go the hell away" they wouldn't. And when I lived in Alexandria, a man blocked traffic on a moderately busy street in his rusty blue pickup to talk to me. Even though horns were blaring and drivers were pissed, he refused to move. I wanted to head into a public place. There was a strip mall plaza on that street, but the only way to get to it was to walk by his truck, and that was something I was not willing to do. The man continued to hit on me and eventually taunt me, so I took note of his license plate and called the police.

"Go ahead and call your boyfriend," he said, in a whiny, taunting tone. "You ain't callin' no police!"

The guy eventually drove off, and the police said they'd try to track him down. Bullshit. I knew they weren't going to do anything. I was extremely furious after that incident. I was heading towards the library and then to volunteer, and that incident ruined my mood. I lashed out at any man who tried to talk to me, even if they were trying to be friendly. Thank you car harasser, you won that battle.

I also hate it when some clown in the passenger side tries to "holla." The hell?! When they do that, I have to let them know how much of a fool they looked and sounded like.

I think this form of harassment needs to be made illegal. Your car is supposed to be a method of getting from Point A to Point B, not as a weapon for harassment. People should be free to walk the streets without worrying about someone in a car threatening their livelihood.

I hope and pray that no more car harassment incidents end this tragically..

Statement From Kimberly Klinger

Kimberly Klinger had written two pieces which were published in last week's edition of the Washington City Paper. A lot of mixed reaction came in response to them, so she had written a statement clarifying herself, and asked if she could use DBS as the medium to do so.

Here is her statement:

In the wake of my articles' publication in the
Washington CityPaper, I've come to learn so much more
about harassment and the converging views on it. With
each blog post and reader comment I find a new way to
look at the problem. I've also found that my original
intentions have been a bit misrepresented, so I'd like
to clear some things up - and also, to make a call to
arms.

I’ll start by reinforcing my opinions about the
intersection of race and harassment. My article was
simply meant to explore the ugly feelings I've found
myself having after being the victim of street
harassment. Because in my daily life in Washington my
harassers are usually Latino or Black, I now have
knee-jerk reactions of fear and anger when I pass men
of those races on the street. I called it racism
because that's what it felt like: an illogical,
negative sentiment towards people of a race different
than mine. I don't feel like that all the time,
towards every Latino or Black man, and I do know in
both my heart and my head that not all Latino and
Black men are guilty of harassment or worthy of fear
and anger. What I'm truly mad about is street
harassment, plain and simple. It can and does come
from men of any color at any time, and my experiences
are just that: my experiences.

However, there are some who worry that speaking
honestly about these experiences amounts to racism -
that I am giving the real racists out there another
reason to hate Latino and Black men. Floating around
in society is the idea that Latino and Black men are
apt to harass, and harass more than white men or men
of any other race, because it is a part of their
culture. This is neither true nor fair, and my essay
was not meant to perpetrate this. I also realize that
my essay does not even begin to scratch the surface of
the larger discussion on race, class, and harassment.
It was simply meant to show that my anger from being
harassed would occasionally take me to a place where I
had to remind myself of something I know and know
deeply: that just because a nasty, false stereotype is
played out in front of me from time to time does not
make it true.

The majority of the time, my anger with harassment
stays strictly that: I am truly outraged that so many
women deal with harassment on a daily basis. I'm glad
to hear their voices ringing out loud and clear
(metaphorically) all over the Internet, but that's
really the only positive thing I can cop to. It's
disheartening to hear so many women say "yep, me too"
- and know that there are so many more who are not
speaking up for any number of reasons.

But we should keep it up, because it seems like the
only thing we can do is speak up. As it is with rape
and other forms of sexual violence and discrimination
the onus of fighting harassment seems to be falling to
women. It's not fair, of course, and the fight can be
futile at times, as evidenced by the women who attempt
to confront their harassers only to find themselves
being insulted and threatened. I leave it up to each
individual woman to decide whether or not she wants to
fight in that way. But I do believe women should fight
in some way - whether it's on the street, in a bar, in
the classroom, or on a blog - because if it is up to
us to stop harassment, then we better get a move on. I
commend every woman who has shared her story here or
found another creative way to fight harassment.

And I propose this: If the prime way for us to fight
this is to talk (or "talk" via the Internet) about it,
then prepare to be absolutely overwhelmed with women
talking about harassment.

Because the more we talk, the more people realize that
this problem is not to be taken lightly. The more we
talk, the more people will join in the fight. The more
we talk, the more we realize there is a community of
women who support each other and share a common
experience. The more we talk, the more men will feel
compelled to join in - to check their own behavior and
the behavior of their fellow men, and to add their
voices to the ringing chorus of people who want women
to be able to walk down the street peacefully.

So keep talking. Don't stop until the harassment
stops. Don't "suck it up" because it's just "part of
being a woman". It's high time "part of being a woman"
did not include putting up with blatant
discrimination, hate-mongering, objectification and
threats. Harassers should be scared. Women have been
facing discrimination for centuries, but we haven't
been beaten yet. And we sure as hell won't be now.

Kimberly Klinger
Washington DC
June 28, 2007

Catcalling on the Radio

Liz sent me the link to a call-in radio show, Kane at Hot 99.5. They did one on street harassment.

Click on this link, then scroll down to 6/26---Meow, Hey Mami (yeah, I know the title's extremely lame) to listen to it.

ETA: Listening to it now...it doesn't seem like the people on the show seem to get it or care. Street harassment to them is a laughing matter to them---trust me, it is not funny at all.

Double Troubles

Amy from Baltimore, MD had two incidents to tell about:

I was at a Walgreens a few years ago picking up some things I needed, and these two creepy men that looked like they came out of a rundown shack in the backwoods of WV were lurking around the store, checking out the women without shame.. I kept my distance from them as best I could, but then they came down the shampoo aisle where I was and the one guy came up by me and called to his friend, "Hey look at this one, she has big tits!!" His friend came up and started to check me out like I was on display at the fricken zoo! They were not even three feet away from me. I felt so disgusted that I just left the store and didn't even bother finish my shopping there. What's worse is that they were like 50+ years old and I was just a teenager at the time!! Assholes. I wish I could go back in time and get them in trouble. Thanks for letting me vent.

Ugh. I could never understand why old men feel the need to "pursue" young women...or in this case, harass and creep them out. Nasty!

Here's her second story:

I just made one submission, but I got to thinking about another incident that upset me and want to get it out.

My friends and I used to hang out at the dead end of my street. There's only one house down there set back a ways, and the owners didn't mind us teenagers hanging out down there if we didn't carry on too badly. I was suppose to meet one of my friends down there to hang out but she was running late, so I just sat down on the pavement and waited for her. There was this neighborhood boy that used to make advances on me, but I always refused him and kept away He'd say things like, "If you were my girl, I'd fuck your brains out." and would stalk around my house when I was sitting on the porch, calling my name or singing rap songs to me with sexually explicit lyrics. He was a real charmer, let me tell you. Well, I had to pass by his house to get to the end of the street, and he saw me go by when I did, so he came out and followed me after a few minutes. I was uneasy when I saw him coming, but I kept my cool and brought up my guard just in case he tried anything. I was comforted by the fact my friend would be there any minute. He kept his distance at first and just made some small talk, but then he came forward suddenly and grabbed my shoulders and tried to force me to lay back on the ground. It all happened so fast, but I freaked out and started to attack him by punching, kicking, screaming. He let go and stumbled back yelling, "Yo, yo! That hurt!! You hurt me!!" I screamed, "It was suppose to, you fucking moron. Don't ever touch me! Get the hell away from me! Don't touch me! Get away!!" He ran up the street. My friend came running down not even a minute later and asked me what happened because she saw the guy run past her crying, talking about how I hit him. He seriously had some mental problems or something, we even called him Crazy Mike.

My guy friends found out about what happened and paid a visit to him to warn him to never bother me or any of the other girls in the neighborhood. After that incident he never caused me any problems again.

Though the first story didn't have a positive ending, I'm glad there was a better outcome for the second one. Mental problems or not, if someone is persistently bothering you, then that person is a harasser!

Speaking of rap, I wish someone would make a rap or song about street harassment. Sure, TLC had "No Scrubs," but that song is more about the men who do this than about actual street harassment. I wish there were a song about street harassment so any time some fool tried to pull this mess, we could either sing it really loudly or blast it out of our radios! Hey, it's a thought!

"Holla" By Bike

Here is CC's story of some fool bothering her:

I was walking to the Braddock Road metro this morning when some old dude with white hair on a bike comes rolling up on the sidewalk. (Side note: bikers on the sidewalk are ANOTHER of my pet peeves, but that's not the point of this story.) I am the only person walking on the sidewalk.

"Hello there," he said, and I watch his eyes lower to my breasts. His face breaks out in a huge grin.

"FUCK YOU!" I shouted at him. It seemed to surprise him, because in his haste to get the hell away from me, he stumbled a bit on his bike.

Stupid asshole.

Thanks for your blog and your contribution to the fight to end street harassment,
CC

You're welcome, CC!

He wouldn't have stumbled had he kept his eyes on the road and not on some innocent woman's chest. That fool deserved to be embarrassed.

Female Harasser

A lot of these stories portray men as harassers and women as the receivers of harassment, but that's definitely not always the case. Ramone tells the story of a woman who harassed him:

Hi Golden Silence,

I love the blog and wanted to share my own story with you, I'm a guy, but I think most stories of harassment are similar, regardless of gender. I was at a local dance club, just out with some friends, trying to have a good time and unwind from the week. I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, as I'm pretty much staying away from relationships right now (I've been hurt too much recently).

So I'm out dancing and a girl asks me if she can buy me a drink. I politely decine and continue to dance. Ten minutes later, the same girl comes up to me and begins grinding against me, shoving her ass right into my crotch area. I walk away from her but she zooms around to the other side of me and starts rubbing her front against me, saying "you know you want it daddy." I just screamed at her, "Bitch, you aren't my daddy! Get away from me." She called me a faggot and threw a drink in my face. After that, they threw me out of the club.

I was really creeped out by this whole incident, not too mention humiliated by this girl and then assualted by the bouncer. I had to get this off my chest, I've had it with these over aggressive women.

The thing that bothers me is that even though the girl was the one doing the aggressive acts, Ramone was the one kicked out of the club. Once again, we need to realize that men aren't always the perpetrators and that women aren't always the victims. The roles do switch.