Not in front of your daughter!

Sarah (not the same contributor of the previous submission) sent this story:

I wish I'd had a place to submit my stories for the past ten years or so. Or I wish I'd written them all down because my harassment stories could fill a book (and I'm not at ALL unique or alone among women and girls).

Right now I live in Alexandria, VA and work in Georgetown. One morning last week I was walking from my car to my office building, when a man passed me on the sidewalk. He was holding the hand of a small girl; I assume it was his young daughter. When we passed, he said "How you doin'?" in a low voice he obviously intended to be sexy. I ignored him and kept on my way. Well a second later he turned around and yelled "Anti-social!!" at me! Excuse me?! It's 8 in the fucking morning. You're with your CHILD! What kind of message does your behavior send to HER? That as a female she's official public property and she better know her place when in mixed company? Jesus. I was sooo irritated. I KNOW you weren't just being friendly, wishing every single person you passed a delightful day.

I know exactly the kind of voice he used---low, perverse, with overt sexual subtext. And the fact that he did this in front of his daughter shows that he has no shame. He obviously doesn't give a crap about what kind of role model he could be for her.

I hope this little girl grows up to carry herself with strength and confidence, and to stand tall in the face of harassment from men like her father.

Creepy Guy/Suspected Rapist on the Bus

Sarah sent me this story:

I have a wild one. I was riding the bus to my job downtown. This guy gets on and I got the creepiest vibes from the way that he carried himself. I quickly averted my eyes. Out of habit, I glance around the bus to see who’s around me. Creepy guy sat a couple rows ahead of me and was staring at me. I averted my eyes again, but every time I checked, he was staring at me…

Fed up, I glared at him to signal my disapproval. I didn’t gesture. I didn’t say anything. I just narrowed my eyes. He responded with a pissed off grunt, got up and sat in the row behind me. I freaked out and scooted to the edge of my seat. When I got up, the seat of my pants was wet. He was smirking at me. I checked as soon as I got to the nearest bathroom and my pants smelled like urine--just the seat of my pants was wet, not my crotch or front. I’m still trying to figure out what happened…

For more fun, I saw this guy on the news for raping someone. I recognized him from a police sketch—the height, the facial features all matched up…I’ve called the local investigators to report what I saw, but I was freaked out all night that I sat so close to a malicious person…The general response of my family was that he's creepy, but I brought it on myself by retaliating. I know that nothing would have happened if I had simply averted my eyes, but deep down I know it was my right to signal my disapproval of his attention.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT blame yourself for what happened. This man is a creep and a pervert and you should not be hitting yourself on the head blaming yourself. If you're ever in a situation like that where he continues to get close and do things like that even when you move, signal the bus driver immediately. If the bus driver fails to act, take down the bus number (both the number on the inside and the route number), the time of travel and destination. Make sure to have a full enough report of what happened to report to Metro authorities.

You definitely did the right thing by calling the police and reporting him. I'm no CSI, but I have a feeling you should've taken the pants to the police as potential DNA evidence. No one should have to worry about coming home smelling like someone else's urine from a bus ride.

I hope and pray that this man gets taken off the street and locked up immediately. The streets will be safer with one less cretin running around.

Too early for this...

When I leave to head to work, I cut a diagonal past this religious institution near my house so I can get on the main street and walk to the train station. The place is on a lovely plot of land where I sometimes see nuns, clergymen, retirees, and for the first time ever deal with fools trying to bother me.

I head up my path today as usual and this gold car with two young men pulls up next to me.
"Hey baby...need a ride?" they say.
"No...I don't know you!" I said.
They think this is funny and start to laugh. "She said 'I don't know you!'" they mock.

This happened barely two minutes after I left my house...too early in the morning to deal with this crap!

"I don't need to repeat myself nor do I need an echo effect," I said. "You don't leave me alone I'm going to call the cops!"
They thought I was playing, but I started to show them that I meant business. "[License plate number withheld], Maryland plates, gold car, two young [race withheld] males...[license plate], [license plate]..." I repeated that out loud to let them know the deal.
"Man! We were just coming to visit family here! We didn't do anything wrong!" they yelled. They drove away to park and let me be.

Well the next time you go to visit relatives keep at the task at hand and leave women on the streets alone---especially me.

Defending Her Honor

Mark sent me this story:

First off, thank you so much for taking the time and effort to create a website such as this one. I think it takes a level of dedication and commitment that has become a rarity.

As to my story, I think I may provide a more unique perspective to your blog. I am 26 year old male that experienced street harassment, albeit indirectly, through my girlfriend and I opted to say something about it.

My story: My girlfriend and I were walking down 14th Street between around 11:15pm this evening when we saw an older white man wobbling as he was walking towards us. As he passed us he said something obscenely lewd (which I will withhold for my own sanity, but the comment included acts, himself and specific body parts of my girlfriend). After hearing the comment a million things were running through my mind. My girlfriend had said nothing, but I felt as though I would remiss if I did not address this indecency. My response was only to say "Watch it man" in a loud but casual manner. What surprised me was the response from the man: He actually asked "what I was going to do about it". We both continued to walk in opposite directions (my walking away significantly tied to my desire not to be incarcerated), but the mild altercation did leave an impact on me, which is why I am sending this now.

My thoughts are simply that this type of indecency cannot be tolerated. I believe that allowing acts such as these to continue increasing the level of degradation of society as a whole. I do not know at what point the reverence of women ceased to exist, but I believe my silence would only have exacerbated the situation.

The events of this evening created a rift between my girlfriend and I, her saying that she didn't need defending and me saying that I still believe in defending the honor of the woman with me. Nonetheless, I believe I was right in saying something to this person...maybe I'm old fashioned, traditional, etc. or maybe I just hold women in a higher esteem than others.

Please let me know if you have any questions or clarification that I can help with...also, please let me know when/if you post this story. I would like to follow the comments if possible

Cheers,
Mark

Mark, I felt you did the right thing by speaking up against that idiot and then walking away. It's not really an issue of a man "being chivalrous to a woman" but more of human decency. More people need to step in when they see someone being harassed---friend, significant other, stranger, or anyone.

In the same token, many women are capable of handling themselves. I don't know why she said she didn't need you to defend her if she took no action (maybe her tactic was to ignore him altogether), but I'm sorry that some ignorant loser has caused a rift in your relationship. Talk to her, open a discussion, and hopefully things will work out in the end. Best of luck to you---and we need more guys like you in the world who respect women.

Does street harassment happen more often in certain neighborhoods?

Prince of Petworth linked DBS to his blog and asked if people have been recipients of street harassment in Petworth.

I'd like to open the question in a broader sense: do you think street harassment happens more often in specific neighborhoods, and if so, why?

Continuation of "Does Race Play A Factor?"

I made this post a couple of months ago, and Devonna sent me this comment that correlates with it:

I wanted to thank you for your blog regarding street harassment. I deal with it so much. I am also a black female and am an attorney. I work at Judiciary Square but live on 16th Street so have to walk numerous blocks to get to the U Street/Cardozo Metro. It sucks that when I see black men on the street, I immediately try to move to the other side of the street to avoid them. I try not to make eye contact and sometimes will go as far as to put my phone to my ear and pretend I'm talking so that they will not say anything to me. In one embarassing incident, my phone actually rang when I was having one of my imaginary conversations with someone.

They don't realize how ignorant it makes them look and it really turns black women off towards their own. I do notice however, that it is mainly black American men though - not Africans or Carribeans. Have you also noticed a difference?

The HollaBack sites say not to bring up race unless something (for instance, racist comments) happens when being harassed. I feel it's impossible to ignore the intersection of race, class and harassment. Issues within the Black community are important to me, and for me to ignore that there is a problem with the way these specific Black men treat Black women would be a disservice.

Most of my harassers have been Black males, as to why, I honestly cannot say. I strongly feel that a lot of the Black males that partake in harassing women on the streets never had positive male role models in their lives, and they look up to the rappers to fill that void. They see their friends doing it, and it has a chain effect on them. In order to stop this cycle, I feel that intelligent Black men who are active in bettering their community need to step up and be the guiding light that these misguided men need.

These harassing males that happen to be Black need to realize that we Black women are NOT chickenheads, pigeons, loudmouth, sassy neckrollin' stereotypes. We are not ones to be treated so lowly. And I cannot respect these men as Black men until they respect me and others as Black women.

I open this forum for constructive discussion on this matter.

Short...But Never Sweet (7/5/07)

"Short...But Never Sweet" will be the new title to shorter blurblike posts.

I'd like to thank CHIC NOIR for sending me the link to this New York Post article. It has the most ridiculous and outrageous catcalls that happened in NYC.

Also, here's my deal with harassment today:

I was catching the bus to my tae kwon do class, and there was some fool sitting at the back of the bus. He sneaked sips of his 40 which was in a black plastic bag, and he kept snapping and bopping his head to a song that only he was hearing (and dude had no headphones on). His skin was ashy and he was in dire need of an Afro pick or corn rows.

I pulled the chain to signal my stop, and he's like, "Scush me, can I talk to you fo' a second?" Usually these men want to "talk to me" as in try to ask me out, and I don't want to be bothered. And besides, didn't he see me pull the chain?

"I'm not in the mood to talk," I say. "I'm getting off right now" (I proceed to stand near the back doors) "and am not interested in talking to some random fool on the bus." Especially not one who sips 40s on the back of the bus...ew.

"So you don't wanna talk," the guy says.
"No I don't," I say, and get off the bus.

Why do these men even try? Do I look like the type that talks to roughneck types?! Hell no!