Please note. . .

Don't Be Silent DC has been inactive since March 2008 and has not been accepting entries since. If you are in the DC area and have a harassment story to share, please go to HollaBack DC. If you are outside the DC area and want to submit your story, go to Stop Street Harassment. Thank you.

As of 3/1/08, I will no longer be working on this blog. Please read this post for more details.

Friday, June 22, 2007

A Take on the City Paper's Cover Story

This is from Noel:

Maybe its because we(average dudes) don't all own(or lease like most of the douch bags these woman are used to dealing with) a 6 series and listen to The White Stripes.

[Rudy] Contreras is right on both claims. "Its tough in D.C." It really is. I moved back here from New York and I could tell straight away what the differences were. Its almost like Boston out here with the unfriendly/standoff-ish attitudes that frequent the sidewalks of this town. Even when dressed nicely She shrugged of a guy who approches her with "Excuse me young lady?"? Did she want him to bring a credit report perhaps a pay stub to show he's not hittin on someone who's out of his tax bracket?

This is the argument that street harassers ruin it for all good men. Women who are subjected to this mess on a daily basis become hardened to any man that tries to approach her---I can relate to that. We'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm sure you have good intentions, but in the same token realize where these women are coming from. Maybe some day you'll find someone who'll reciprocate.


Emily said...

I still don't like that attitude. Noel doesn't know what else was going on in the woman's life right then. Maybe she just found out a family member was sick. Maybe she just found out SHE was sick. Maybe she was having a shitty day.

I do not owe any man the "time of day" and I do not owe any man, no matter what is "honorable" intentions are, my time or attention.

That isn't how it works.

Alex said...

it's only "tough in DC" if your standard method of trying to meet women is yelling at them on the street...

ps, congrats for getting mentioned in the CP, and thanks for your comment...

jennifer said...

We've had too much of "Excuse me?", thinking it's for the time or directions..."would you suck my dick?" "how much for fifty dollars?"

"Young lady" is how one addresses a toddler-to-preadolescent who is misbehaving, not an adult.

Comments about how one looks are only
appropriate from family, friends or SO's.

joannawinchester said...

I agree with the previous comments - it doesn't matter who they are, men shouldn't assume they can just walk up to a total stranger in the street and start hitting on her.

I'm gay. Advances from ANY man are unwanted. But I've learned from experience that responding with that information just makes the situation worse. They don't want to let go of the assumption that if you're on the street and you're a female, you should be interacting with them based on the stereotypical straight male/female call and response. After a polite, "I have a girlfriend" or "I'm not into men", the usual response is "That's ok - I don't mind" followed by another rude comment (sometimes they go straight to the rude comments or escalate their aggressive body language). Or if they're one of the nice ones, they'll again reassure me that they don't mind, and extend another invitation to the movies or dinner. What?!

Experiences like those just confirm for me that street harassment is not about the woman at all, and not about "good" guys or "bad" guys either - it can take many forms, it can be polite, rude, or downright obnoxious, but no matter how prettied-up they make it, it's still harassment. It's about any guy being able, if he chooses, to demand something from any woman - a response, a smile, sex, whatever - regardless of who she happens to be. Even if he's "polite," the fact that he assumes he can walk up to me in the street and start a conversation with me based on the fact that I'm a woman means he's already taking for granted several things about me that he really shouldn't. The real "good" ones are the ones who choose not to take advantage of this implicit "right."

So, my advice to all those "nice guys" who just want to pick up a nice girl on the street, but feel like the jerks out there are ruining your chances? Save it for the straight bars, singles nights, church socials, or really anywhere you know you're not going to come off as an aggressive, cocky creep and risk getting your balls ripped off by some crazy dyke.

beautyinbaltimore said...

Golden, will you write a post of acceptable ways that a men should approach a women if they are looking to get to know her better.

beautyinbaltimore said...

I've never had a problem with young lady.

I guess we are all different.